Jersey Shore Terms

• Coocha: A slang term for a woman's genitals. We have learned that, due to intense exposure to UVA and UVB rays in tanning beds and interbreeding, the guidos are actually physically mutated versions of homo sapiens. One of the differences is that women have "vagina bones." We're not sure exactly what this looks like or how it affects their sexuality (though it would make the word "smashing" very appropriate), but women openly discuss the trauma of breaking their vagina bones. There is no known cure for this ailment. This distinct anatomical distinction, however, might be why there is a totally separate word for their nether regions.
• Matinee: When a guido picks up a mate in the middle of the afternoon. If a man does this, it is proof that he is "fresh." If a woman does this, it is proof that she's a "ho."
• Hamster: A person who is physically dirty, just like a caged hamster, who basically lives in its own filth.
• Beached Whale: Adding to the menagerie of slang terms the guidos have taken from their closest ancestors in the animal kingdom comes this unimaginative term for unattractive women lying on a beach.
• Zoo Animals: There is a second definition for this term, more commonly applied to unattractive or unruly women. It also implies a group of people who like to create a physical mess and not clean it up. A group of people who like to create an emotional mess and not clean it up are called "guidos."
• Herb: This is not something one smokes or uses to make marinara sauce more flavorful. No, it is a sloppy person who doesn't dress well. A nerd, a dweeb. Since this word came into the vernacular via a suited man that Snooki obviously didn't like, we're not sure if it deserves a place in the guido lexicon, but it is clearly a term they understand.